Reflection: Steves Thoughts in The Lake of Souls
by fireynight
Summary: Even monsters can feel. Warning: Contains spoilers. If you have not finished the saga DO NOT READ! All the charaters and part of the writing material belongs to Darren Shan. Unfortunatley. Rated T for the small violence.


Reflection

Darren Shan, the enemy. How would I have known I was to die by his hands? I deserved it though. How could I have used Annie and Darius that way? I didn't know that I was doing wrong. To me, it was right. I drift along, as lonely as a clud, with the spirits of other damned people along side me. We can't talk. For each and every one of us is doomed to an eternity of reflection. Looking upon our past and seeing what we have done wrong. Most of these people have less to reflect on, I having probably the most. Not just wrong though. Pure evil. My mind had slowly become twisted in hate, revenge and lack of love. My mother never paid any attention to me, so I thrived at being a troublemaker at school and getting in more trouble than I could care to mention to make up for my neglect at home. My best-friend Darren Shan became my enemy as he took my rightful place as a vampire, betraying me, or so I thought. He didn't want any of that deep horror and respectfulness of being a vampire; he just wanted to save his best-friend from dying of poison injected from a vampire's spider. I had used Annie, the girl whom I had abandoned with our own child, who I proceeded to lie to and use for my own gain. At the time I was only thinking of using them to destroy Darren but somewhere deep, deep inside my twisted heart I loved them. And I never got to say that I did. I watch the other spirits as I drift. They look sad that they have done their sins but not in depressed agony. I must be the only one so evil to be put through this ever lasting pain. I relived one of my most painful memories, my death.

_I was stupid talking that that. No use in realising now. Darren lunged, taking me unprepared. I fell, and as I did so, he pushed at me with all his weight before I could recover and get back up. I landed on the pavement with a grunt and I cursed myself for falling yet again. I was still gripping the knife but I couldn't move. Darren didn't waste time like I had. He ended it._

_I opened my mouth but no words came out. Nothing. There was a freezing cold spreading from my left breast, quickly paralyzing me to that one spot. I looked at the knife, checking it had struck true. It had. 'Oh.' It took a lot out of me, saying one little word. One syllable, emotionless. The sound of applause broke the silence and I had to roll my eyes back to see what was happening. Tiny was clapping, tears rolling down his face. He was ecstatic. 'What passion! What valour! What never-say-die spirit! My money was always on you, Darren. It could have gone either way, but if I was a betting man, I'd have bet big on you. I said as much before hand, didn't I Evanna?' The pain, the never ending pain inside me. It burnt, even though it was freezing. 'Yes Father.' Evanna's words made it even worse, it hurt my ears. Their words dimmed to a buzz. It was so, so painful._

_Tiny's eyes looked into mine and I looked back. 'I've always been there for you, for both of you,' He turned to Darren. I tuned out his speech. Thinking why he bothered so much with us. He turned back to me. 'And you, noticed something strange about Darren after your meeting with Larten Crepsley, who do you think kept you awake at night, filling your thoughts with doubt and suspicion?' I didn't answer. Too much agony involved. I couldn't hear them. This time I wasn't trying to ignore them, the end must be near. Suddenly my hearing returned, and I wished it hadn't._

'_Son sides with Sire.'_

'_WHAT?' Evanna exploded, the sound bringing my pain to a heightened agony. 'I required a less powerful heir, one who'd carry my genes and mirror my desires, but who could act freely as a mortal. To weed out the weaknesses, I created a pair, then set them against each other. The weaker would perish and be forgotten.' He looked directly at me. 'The stronger would go on to claim the world. Come and give your father a hug, Darren – my son!'_

_Darren probably looked as surprised as I felt. A father. I had a father! My brother, Darren, had created a hole when he betrayed me, didn't he realise I only lived for him? Now I had a family, someone for me to love and be loved by, but there was still pain. Why didn't he make it disappear? 'Fa-fa-fa…' I reached out to Tiny, desperately trying to say what I wanted. 'Father, help… me.' It took pain-staking effort (though I had enough of that for at least 5 others to share) and all Tiny did was sniff and follow on to say: 'Why?'_

'_I… never… had… a… Dad. I… want… to… serve… you… and… love… you.'_

'_What on earth would I want with LOVE?' It broke me when he said that. His laughter making it more unbearable. 'Love is one of the most basic human emotions. I'm so pleased I was never cursed with it. Servitude, gratitude, fear, hatred, anger – these I like. Love… you can take your love to the Lake of Souls when you die. Perhaps it will provide you with some comfort there.'_

'_But… I'm… your… son!' My voice was getting weaker, the hole getting bigger with each word he said. But he wasn't done. 'You were, now you're just a loser, and soon you'll be dead meat. I'll toss your carcass to my little people to eat – that's how little I feel for you. This is a winner's world. Second place equals second rate. You're nothing to me. Darren's my only son now.' Then there was nothing. The hole had grown and spilled all around me, a black nothing only I could see. A ray of hope and promise vanquished as soon as it appeared. Darren slowly moved, creating yet more pain, how could this ever be worse? He coughed and tugged lightly at my left sleeve. My arm was free! I thought of killing him right there and then but he was just like me. A victim. My best-friend. My brother. How could I kill someone I loved? I already was a monster, but not Darren, not as my last act of life. No. 'Steve, you were right. I did plot with Crepsley to take your place as his assistant. We made a mug of you, and I'm glad. You're a nobody. A nothing. This is what you deserve. If Crepsley was alive, he'd be laughing at you now, just like the rest of us are.' I forgot my repent and re-filled with the fire that had been killing me slowly on the inside. Darren grabbed my arm, rolled, and we plunged into the water wrapped in a tight embrace. The fire burned and died. The water bubbled and..._

_I died._

END


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